Red Alarm
by KimuraMinami
Summary: Nami's got a stomachache and Zoro's there to help.


**Red Alarm**

**Author's Note: Taa-daa! My first One Piece fanfic in English! I'm so proud of myself! (Crying like Franky)**

**Usually I write in Mandarin, so this is a translated and revised version of one of my ZoroNami one-shots in Chinese Language.**

**I guess it's just time to give it a shot and make a complete fool of myself. XD**

**Just one friendly reminder before you guys read it-DON'T READ IT!**

**Seriously, my English sucks. I DO NOT use it as my first language or second or even at work. **

**Prepare yourselves with plenty of grammar and spelling mistakes. I'll just go hide in the dark aura I made with Nami's climate-stick-something. (I never remember the name of her weapon in English, yes, this is how stupid I am.)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece. But I'll definitely marry Luffy once he owns it. **

"What are these little red crosses?"

The green-haired swordsman asked while pointing at a calendar hanging on the backdoor of male's cabin.

"Red alarm."Ussop simply answered.

"Which is…?"He frowned, awaiting his long-nose nakama's elaboration.

"Let me just put it this way, Zoro—I mark the days when I should keep myself far _far_ away from Nami and that's why I'm still alive."

"So five days…starting from today?" the swordsman cluelessly scratched the back of his head. "Ussop, I still don't get it—"

"Ussop—! Get your ass down here! _Now_!"

Just as the high-pitch shriek blew up on deck, Ussop panicked and sank himself down behind Zoro's board back.

"Please Zoro! She can't know that I'm here or I'm _seriously_ dead!"

"So you're hiding from her because…?"

Zoro blinked several times and managed to make his face look stony-honest when certain red-head stormed in.

"Zoro!" She screamed—not in a cheerful way." Do you know where the heck Ussop is?"

"No idea. I was asleep." He answered calmly.

"Oh you are just _useless_!"Just like that she stormed out with fury, miraculously without slamming the cabin door. He could still hear her yelling all the way along deck—

"Nami San, may I get a decent glance of your sure-to-be-gorgeous underpants—"

"Get lost, you pervert!"

"Nami! I'm bored! How far are we from the next island again?"

"Shut up Luffy! Or I'll kick your rubber ass into the sea!"

Zoro shuddered as he quitted eavesdropping.

So…Red Alarm, uh? Although the phrase itself still bemused him, he somehow managed to get a rough idea about how "alarming" it could be.

Maybe he should hide from Nami as well, he thought. Just like the way Ussop did, so that he'd still remain "alive" after whatever might happen before the alarm officially called off.

Or maybe he could just sleep it off. Five days was not really unbearably long considering the fact that he slept like 18 hours per day.

After Day One's supper, however, the swordsman found himself stuck in a rather unfortunate situation.

"This is NOT fair!" he yelled, holding the shortest lot in his hand. "Why don't you bring her food up to her room instead of me, Love-cook? Isn't it like the highest privilege you can ever imagine in your life?"

"Well, as adorable and stunning Nami-swan is today as any other day, I think I'm fed up with her lovely punches for once." Sanji said, sadly rubbing three huge bumps on his forehead.

"Sanji fed up with Nami?" Ussop yelled in disbelief." Is this the end of an era or what?"

"I'll keep my finger crossed, swordsman san."Robin smiled. "Actually, I think she's in bed now, not sleeping."

So this was_ it_. No use arguing any more. He's the one who'd go straight to the center of Red Alarm Zone anyways.

Zoro sighed and stood up. He picked up the plate from dining table and headed towards the female's cabin.

When he opened the door, there she was, just as Robin described, in bed, not sleeping.

"Nami?"

She just sat there—in her bed, holding a white pillow between her knees with both her arms, gloominess written all over her pale face.

Was she sick? He thought, slightly concerned.

"I brought you some food." He put the plate on her nightstand and asked:" what's wrong? You missed dinner."

She didn't answer him.

He frowned and raised his voice a little bit:" Oi! What happened to you, woman?"

"Don't 'woman' me!" This time she offered a reply, not a pleasant one though.

"Then talk to me." he sat on the foot of her bed. He might regret this later, but seeing her so unhappy and pale and weak, so….unlike her, somehow made him feel bad.

Silence claimed her for a while. Then she said in an extremely low volume:"… it hurts."

"What hurts?"

She blushed a little, not looking completely pale at the moment. "My stomach…it hurts."

He rolled his eyes:" That's why we humans don't usually skip meals."

"It's not like that!" She protested, blushing even more. "It's just…I'm not hungry, ok? It… just aches sometimes when I…. What do you know? You are a boy. Just _leave_!"

"Oh?...oh."

He made an uneasy sound through his throat. Now he got it—when she put it that way, there's no way to further misunderstanding.

"Do you uh…"Now it was his turn to blush."…need something hot to drink? I'll tell the cook."

She shook her head.

"Do you….."He thought for several seconds and then offered,"…want me to rub your stomach?"

She stared at him, like he had said something crazy—well, he did.

Now he wished he could just take that back. It was beyond craziness. And he was beyond his usual stupidity.

"Or punch me in the face?" he continued his brainstorming." If that'll make you feel any better…"

_Now he's talking._ Despite the soreness in her stomach, she smiled a little:" Like really hard? Like what I did to Sanji earlier today?"

"Maybe not _that _hard." he smiled as well. There was one thing he actually liked about Nami. She was always fun to talk to, even when she was sick, even with someone not fun at all, like him.

"Then…"She blinked," I think I'll go with your second offer, mister."

"What?"

"You heard me." she said teasingly, rolling her amber eyes." I want you to rub my stomach 'gently', Zoro." her smile was bigger than before.

Sweat drops began to pour down his forehead like a waterfall. This was going to be awkward… and _wrong_!

He was NOT going to rub this woman's belly! It's just weird and…..not the kind of things you do when you try to comfort one of your nakama. There might be—inevitably _will be_—inappropriate touching of body parts.

Perhaps that stupid Love-cook would be more than happy to touch Nami's stomach, but _not him_!

He cleared his throat nervously:" well, on a second thought, I don't think it's a good idea to… you know, rub you. Let me just get Chopper in here. Perhaps he can give you some painkiller or something…"

Just when he was about to flee out of her bedroom, he felt a gentle tug at the back of his haramaki.

"Wha—"he turned around, only to find her looking at him with watery, pleading eyes.

Damn, she looked _almost_ persuasive when she was not blinking.

"Please, Zoro. It really aches. I can't go to sleep like this." She said in a sheepish voice, _so_ unlike her. But oddly… he believed it.

He sighed.

He knew he's gonna regret this _big time_. And he probably wouldn't hear the end of it if the Love-cook knew about this.

But he couldn't just step away—He would never do that to her.

Scratching his green hair, he sighed again and sat down on bedside:" Just…lie down on your back and close your eyes, woman. "

"Why should I close my eyes? You are supposed to rub me, not kiss me!" she countered playfully.

"But I can't do this with you staring at me!" He growled.

Her smile now widened into a grin:" Wow….are you really _that_ nervous, Zoro?"

"I'm not nervous!"

"And you are blushing."

"I'm not blushing either!" He barked loudly, his face turning extremely red.

"Well then, you should really look at yourself in a mirror right now—"

"I'd not—Just shut up, woman! And let me get done with this stupid rubbing!"

She laughed. This was seriously helping easing her stomachache.

And she closed her eyes."I'm all yours, mister."

He sighed and uneasily put a hand on her lower belly. He didn't notice he had been holding his breath in the process.

"Is the pressure ok?"

"Will you just relax, Zoro?" She giggled as she felt his warm callused palm circling on her sore belly. To her surprise, he _was_ being gentle just as she jokingly requested before, which inspired her to more joking." I swear I won't tell anybody even if you 'accidentally' slipped your hand up a little to my brea—"

"Say one more word and I'm leaving!" He threatened, trying to ignore the heat rising on his cheeks.

"No you won't." Placing one of her hands on the back f his palm; she smiled and whispered to herself," You won't leave me, Zoro."

And she was right.

-The End-

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